


After All This Time

by is_it_HI_or_Oops



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Depression, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Growing Up, M/M, attempted suicide, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-15
Updated: 2016-05-15
Packaged: 2018-06-08 15:42:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6861142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/is_it_HI_or_Oops/pseuds/is_it_HI_or_Oops
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As he leaped, not so gracefully, from the bridge he realized...</p><p>Or </p><p>Two boys meet when they're too young for their own good.</p>
            </blockquote>





	After All This Time

I apologize if this makes no sense, but I'll do my best to explain.

It happened a long time ago. It's been too long to be sure of the correct number of years. It was sometime when we were young,

But not happy. No, we were never really happy back then. It wasn't a good time.

He loved someone with his whole heart, and no one liked that very much. 

People were ignorant, selfish, greedy, proud, cruel, but you can't blame them for these things it's just how they were. Some still are.

No. It was their arrogance that did it.

When all you want is for things to be just alright. When your wish is for everything to be okay. When your deepest desire is to be honest when you say you're fine. Then you can blame everyone's arrogance.

You can blame your own.

That's what he did. He blamed himself for not noticing. Not looking closer. For being so fatally oblivious to look past all the signs.

But hey, we were young and arrogant, back then. Who's to say we're really any better now.

It wasn't all us though. It started because of the people who were too self absorbed, or too broken to bother being kind. But the arrogance is what kept it going, and, in the the end, what finished the job.

I'm being cryptic. Sorry. I'm first telling you the reasons instead of the result.

But when you think about it, it seems to make sense doing it that way. Plus if you were paying attention I think you might have an idea, or at least some crazy theories, of what I'm talking about.

But I'll tell you anyway. In the simplest way I can, because, well, it still hurts me too.

So first, as I've said, it was many, many years ago. At this time we were young, but never joyful. 

You see, we all lived in a small town. It was somewhere. The where is irrelevant. 

Louis had never been a happy child, but when he was eight it looked as though all would take a turn for the better.

Because when he was eight they got some new neighbors in the never changing town. The mother's name was Anne. She was a single mother of two, not that it got her down one bit. She was rather eccentric. Some went as far as to call her crazy, but they were pompous, judgmental, and ignorant, so she didn't let the rumors tamper her joyous optimistic attitude.

Louis was playing in the snow one day after they moved in. He was about to go inside when the new kids next door came out with their sleds and asked him to join.

He would've said no if it wasn't for the small five year old's pleas. He had very bad grammar, worse pronunciation, but he also had soft brown curls poking out of his purple beanie, wide pleading, pretty, green eyes that begged Louis to come have fun, so that those very eyes could then be filled with mischief. Not to mention the pouty lip that wobbled and looked as if he would cry if denied anything, but who would want to deny such a perfect young angel as Harry Styles anything he wanted.

So, obviously, Louis caved, and then proceeded to observe the mischief he had suspected would appear in the deep green iris'. As well as beautifully crafted dimples as the youngest child grabbed Louis' mittened hand, and pulled him, Gemma following, to the snow covered hill behind their houses.

Harry insisted he was too small to go alone, so he made Louis ride behind him on the small sled. It was all innocent at this young age, but, subconsciously at least, you have to wonder if Harry was more clever than he looked. On some level he new what he was doing. He's always wanted to be close to Louis, he just thought it was friendly at first.

Things went like this for a few years, and they were both happy. Despite the small three year age gap they became the best of friends. Inseparable.

But it was Louis who first noticed that it wasn't friendly. It was only a few years after they first met. Louis was starting fifth grade, and he was about eleven. Harry was eight.

It was a normal day, and he'd suspected it for a while. He loved Harry, as a friend, but he liked him as more. He had a crush on the sweet little boy. Harry was too young to know much about sexuality, but Louis knew. Louis had known he was gay for a while. No way was he telling anyone though.

He was confused about liking Harry. He didn't want to like his younger friend. Not because there was anything wrong with Harry, but quite the opposite.

Harry was so pure and carefree. He was loving, affectionate, and gentle. But also funny, adorable, and mischievous. He liked trouble and was too curious for his own good. Louis was very protective of the little boy because he had potential.

He had potential to do good and make others smile. No way was Louis ever gonna get in the way of the boy's crazy dreams, cause they were crazy, but he knew Harry could do it.

So he promised himself something that day. He promised he would do whatever was best for Harry in the long run. Whether it was Louis being there for him, or setting him free, he would do whatever necessary.

Because Louis knew he was happy now, but he was a time bomb. And those all have their time to explode, but Harry can't care about him when that happens. So he'll take whatever role in his life he needs to. If it's his best friend, or just some stranger from the past that you can't remember the name of, he doesn't care. He doesn't care if when he leaves Harry remembers him well or bad as long as the memories helped shape him in a positive way.

Louis was so different than Harry. Louis was sad because his parents never wanted him, his sisters were bratty, the people at school teased him, but in the end he was just sad because he was. He couldn't change that.

Louis was very thoughtful even at eleven, but maybe it was a bad thing. He always got so inside his own head. The voices of others joined him there soon enough, and talked him down until Harry was pretty much the only thing that got him to smile.

At this time Harry had almost worked that he liked Louis but still thought it was platonic. And if it wasn't why would someone as wonderful as Louis like a scrawny little kid like him.

They were still best friends, but Louis started high school and Harry didn't feel cool enough for him anymore. It doesn't seem like a big thing, but it was a big stress point for the twelve year old. 

After a while Harry started to notice Louis faking smiles. He noticed the absence of the crinkles that used to form by the older lads eyes. They were like a second frame, after his dark lashes, around his beautiful, not so bright anymore, baby blue eyes.

When Harry started high school he had stopped denying his feeling for his friend, at least from himself. He had a crush on Louis, and Louis still had feelings for him as well, but neither would talk about it. They just wanted each other in whatever way possible.

Then it happened. Harry accidentally told Louis that he liked him as more than a friend. Louis took this as a sign he should leave Harry before it got any worse. Then Harry started crying cause he thought Louis hated him now. It was too much, Louis couldn't just leave him like this. His Hazza needed to be happy. 

Louis told Harry he liked him too, and they kissed. Harry was happy, and it seemed Louis was too. Their relationship grew. They went on dates, cuddled, kissed, exchanged 'I love you's. The were in a blissful state of optimism and arrogance. Yes they were arrogant.

The next year their parents found out. Anne loved the couple, but Louis' parents were furious. Louis was sad, and so was Harry. The younger boy loved Louis so much, and he could barely see him outside of school. Oh how Louis hated a sad Harry. Harry's grades were slipping. He didn't laugh as much, or work as hard. They tried sneaking around, but their difficulties only reminded them that it was forbidden. It affected them both negatively, but Louis had a plan to give Harry his life back.

Louis was less loving. He wasn't mean, but he didn't try as hard to see Harry. They wouldn't see each other for days at a time occasionally. Louis wanted Harry to give up on him, and focus on his own well being and future. It wasn't what Harry did, however. Harry thought Louis didn't love him anymore, surely he still cared, but he seemed to be moving on. Leaving Harry behind. Louis was making friends with other seniors, and stopped calling Harry ever night. It killed him, both of them.

The year was coming to a close. Louis' parents still disliked him, Harry was barely in his life. They never broke up. Louis could never bring himself to take that step, even if being bound to Harry was doing nothing good in the latter's life. Harry wouldn't do it either. He was too hopelessly in love with Louis, and was slowly dying waiting for Louis to show him any sign it was still mutual. Then Louis graduated.

Louis just left, and no one looked for him.

Harry never really planned to commit suicide, but he was walking along a bridge a few months later and just couldn't help himself. He was crying. Sobbing. Why would Lou leave him. He loves him. And Louis used to say he loved Harry too.

As he leaped, not so gracefully, from the bridge he realized, all he was doing is assuring he'll never see Louis again. So he was relieved when he woke up in the sterilized hospital bed, being sustained by a drip to access his necessary nutrients. He was relieved he only suffered minor injuries and would be out within the week. 

He was both grateful to see his mother, and ashamed to look at her. He hadn't even thought of her, or Gemma. He was selfish. It was rare for him to be so selfish like that, but he was hurting. Not thinking.

He gets a psych evaluation and some therapy. He doesn't understand why people hate it, well.... he does, but it actually helped him out a lot. He knows Louis would want him to be happy, successful, and healthy. Plus whatever is best for him after all that's done.

Harry follows his dreams. He really does. And it goes good. He graduates high school, then collage, and gets an amazing job that makes him happy. He feels like he's finally contributing something good to the world. That's all he's ever wanted, to make life a good time. To be accepting, understanding, kind, and helpful.

He's also wanted Louis though. He's gotta admit he still thinks about him. It's been almost eleven years and he's been working for a while. Harry has had other boyfriends, but they weren't the same. He didn't feel for them the way he did for Lou, so he'd break up with them. Let them find the people they deserve.

He saw him, Louis. At a gas station of all places. No, Louis wasn't working there. He was, just like Harry, stoping for gas. Louis had decided that, after eleven years, it was time to check in on his family. Not that he thought they'd be happy to see him, or even if they still lived there.

Harry hates to say it, but he was a little surprised Louis was alive. When he went away he preferred to think of Louis as gone for good. It was easier than accepting that Louis had left and never bothered to talk, visit, or even say goodbye to him. He was even more surprised to learn Louis had made it through collage with high grades and was now working at a great job that he enjoyed. 

Of course he was slightly spiteful that Louis had left him alone without a trace, but it's been years. Harry is doing so much better now that he can manage to be happy for his old friend and lover.

They talk, catch up. Louis learns his family moved away a few years ago, and that Harry lives in the next big town over from him. 

They see each other much more now. It's odd, but they're actually becoming friends again. Louis thinks it's some miracle Harry's even talking to him after all that. He wasn't planning on Harry still liking him. It wasn't pertinent to his plan to cut himself out of Harry's life before it was too late.

Louis was right, he did explode. When he left Harry, he was sure it was the biggest mistake of his life. He couldn't go back though. Both he and Harry needed to heal and grow separately. Apart from the other's toxicity.

He was dumbfounded when Harry didn't just ignore him, or scream at him, or completely forget who he ever was. 

Neither have forgotten their first love obviously. Is it possible that they still love each other, after all this time. Louis knows he still loves Harry, it was never a question. But, when Harry kisses him late on one movie night, he's still caught off guard. After he's discovered what's happening he returns the kiss with all the pent up love he has for the younger man.

They've grown up together, fell in love, parted, broken, healed, grown on their own, met again, and still love each other. They met too soon in life, when neither where ready to love the other, but it's been mended now. They've found themselves and each other.

So after all this time Louis still wants what's best for the sweet boy, but he just, finally, realized that it was him.


End file.
